this is directed at no one

but i need to be frustrated here for a minute.  please bear with my ‘poor me’ mentality.  i am sick of mooching off of those more fortunate than i am.

if i see any more tweets or facebook status updates saying, ‘i can’t wait until friday!’ i’m going to scream.

i would be so thankful if i were gainfully employed with normal business hours and health benefits.  i would be thankful to have my own dwelling and to be able to pay my own bills in entirety.  i would be thankful for full-time work.  i would be thankful if my life weren’t in a geographical limbo.  i would be so eternally thankful if we could just settle down somewhere, knowing that we won’t have to pick up and move our lives to some unknown city at a moment’s notice.

to sum it up: i’m not interested in hearing about how much work sucks when your job provides you with money for everything you need on a daily basis, operates within OSHA and federal wage guidelines, and allows you the luxury of being able to do whatever you do best for 40-ish hours per week.

KISS MY FUCKING ASS.  and count your blessings while you’re at it.

well

it’s been a crazy few weeks here.

my family is planning a VERY unexpected funeral for my absolute favorite aunt, terri.  she had been a part of our family since my mom was five.  she was the backbone of our family.  she diffused uncomfortable situations.  she was the kind of woman who told you what she thought and didn’t care if you didn’t like what you heard.  she hosted our holiday get-togethers.  she was the center of the party, and an amazingly fun gal to be around.  i can’t imagine what it’s going to be like without her.  i would have more expected to hear news of the iraq war ending or hell freezing over or pigs flying than hear of her death.  the memorial service is tomorrow.  we’re doing it un-traditional style in the form of a somber party at her favorite place, the boat club.  we will miss her so much.

i unfortunately still haven’t fully processed this tragedy because it was so sudden and shocking.  she had a two mild heart attacks (they went undiagnosed), which caused a blood clot and killed her in her sleep early monday morning.  she was only 56 and had no known health problems.

it’s weird how matters of life and death put everything into perspective.  i’ve been trying to visit with my family as much as possible ever since this happened.

i will update on other aspects of my life later on.  i’m too sad to write about anything else right now.  i had a fun week in richmond, became an aunt, and got some (possibly good) unexpected news a week and a half ago.

jen, i’m sorry i didn’t call you on your birthday.  you know your friendship means the world to me.  i love you and want to see you soon.

restless

not having my hsband here has left me feeling like i can’t relax.  i feel like time is going really slow and my mind is going really fast.  i think the animals are sensing my weird vibe, because they won’t stay away from me.  as of the past few weeks, dex has been sleeping in the bathroom, curled up against the base of the toilet, and tonight he’s with me and abby on the bed.  they’re both laying so that they’re touching me – it’s so cute.

my mind is so incredibly full of random things.  by time i put any thought into words, i’ve lost interest in whatever it was that i’d been thinking.  i’m hyper-aware of smells and sounds right now.  my moods have been cycling VERY quckly these past few days.  this is being bipolar at its best.  an example: keith and i stopped six times in two hours on the way home from our road trip on monday.  i wanted iced coffee, then subway, then i didn’t want subway, i wanted arby’s.  then i wanted to get some water, then some candy, then i had to pee, and so on and so forth.  it’s such a weird feeling, not knowing what you want from one moment to the next.  this feeling occurs on larger scales than basic bodily needs, too.

now all i can think about is what i’m going to wear to work tomorrow.  race for the cure is tomorrow, and i should probably find my faux-satin-trimmed pink racerback tank to wear.

father’s day is sunday.  i need to wrap my dad’s gifts.  i got him a cardinals seat cushion to put under his butt whenever he and mom go to games.  i also got him a new cardinals polo.  i hope he likes it.  in that same cardinals vein, my dad just told me that he and mom got special seats at the game next week.  i guess they bid and won a big on some special thing on e-bay that entitles them to spend the game in the same area as al hrabosky and dan mclaughlin.  for those who aren’t major baseball people, they’re the commentators for fox sports midwest.  they are SO excited.

i think it’s time to watch some boring tv/read a book and get ready for bed.  i have a long day tomorrow.

inspiration for my dream dwelling

everything kate spade inspires me.  her stuff is so cute and happy.  these photos are of the 5th avenue kate spade in nyc. i feel like i want to re-paint my room/furniture after looking at these photos.

the light robin’s egg blue color combined with those pinks and oranges and yellows is totally unexpected and exciting.  it feels hodgepodge, warm, homey, stylish and cute all at the same time.

i can imagine a much more subduded and toned-down version of this in a living room.  the walls, especially.  i think if i lived or worked in a place that looked like this, it would be impossible to be sad.

this makes me want to get a place and paint the walls!  i already have the green couches.

getting ready for a saturday spectacular

i’m really excited to work 8.5 hours tomorrow.  work has been so great lately!  i got some major kudos from my boss this morning for a job well done, and i feel so good about myself and my work right now.

after work, we’re having a going away party for my friend mary jane at my boss’ house.  mj and her boy jason are moving to l.a. for his work.  we’re going to miss her.

just a thought: i think it may be entirely possible for me to listen to stars’ heart album for the next week.  on repeat.  nonstop.

i have too many ideas bouncing around in my head to write anything entirely coherent.

maybe next time.

feeling summer and chic.

i sported this sweater and skinny, cropped denim look today at work, except my sweater is lilac.  there’s nothing like a new outfit to make you feel like hot shit.  i have a feeling that white denim is going to be in heavy rotation in my wardrobe rotation this summer.

i can’t really remember a time at which i didn’t feel that my wardrobe was lacking somehow.  right now, i can honestly say that i have everything i want, in terms of clothing, at least.  some of the items i want to wear all the time don’t fit as well as i would like, because i bought some of them last summer before my wedding, when i was MUCH thinner.

i love the shoes this model is wearing in the photograph.  they’re $120 retail, and i’ve been lusting after them ever since we got them in at work.  normally our sandals are too narrow for my feet.  i’ve resisted the temptation to try them on, and i’m proud of myself.

i did fall off the retail temptation bandwagon yesterday, though.

these little leaf earrings had been chipping away at my sanity for a few weeks.  they would stare at me when i came into work shouting, “buy me, buy me!”  i did.  and i don’t regret it.  once i find some cheap gold bangles at claire’s or forever 21 or something equivalent, i think i will have everything i want for summer.  it’s a good feeling.

if i’m still with ann in the fall, i’m going to be DANGEROUS.  the new ann hits stores in august.  i can’t freaking WAIT!

6 out of 10 on the lame scale

yesterday, i had a day that could have been described as quite shitty.  here are some reasons.

-the seat of my pants blew out at work.

-when i put my makeup on, it felt like my face erupted in flames.  my makeup went bad.

-i only had 15 minutes to get ready because my dad was shitting/showering when my alarm went off.

i am so proud of myself from turning lemons into lemonade.  here are some reasons.

-i got some new pants (white skinny ankle-length denim) to replace the pair that became crotchless.  i look much more chic in my new purchase.

-i got some cute earrings while i was buying my new pants…in a bigger size than normal.  i figured i’d never be able to outgrow a pair of earrings.

-i went to MAC, where a really nice lady found me the right shades for some new makeup that doesn’t burn my face.  i’m proud of myself for only buying the necessities (concealer, foundation, blot powder, bronzer).  my only regret is that i didn’t go one day without makeup – my friend/co-worker maj is a licensed cosmetologist and gets a major discount on MAC products, and there’s a MAC right next to our work.  i worked with her today.

i am husband-less for the weekend, and i’m really happy as to the reason why.  keep your fingers crossed, and focus all your prayers/good vibes in his direction at 3:00 p.m. eastern time tomorrow.

men i crush on from afar: summer 09

note: these are in no order whatsoever…or maybe they are?

colby mothereffing rasmus.  cutie extrordinare and amazing baseball player.  he got his fifth home run of the season/his major league career tonight!

yadier molina.  best catcher in mlb.  great attitude.  hottest of the molina brothers.  puerto rico knows how to turn out the hotties.

kellan lutz.  i couldn’t imagine a more attractive emmett cullen if i tried.  he just looks like someone you want to hug.

jesse eisenberg.  i fell in love with his character in adventureland this spring.  (tangent: i had no idea until recently that his little sister was the cute girl with the dark curly hair and dimples that did the pepsi commercials in the late nineties…but she is.)

michael cera.  i’m looking so forward to seeing him year one with jack black.

sam worthington.  not generally my type of dude to crush on, but without a doubt, he’s the hottest man/machine combo, ever.

okay, so

i think i’m going to attempt doing both a friend blog and a family-friendly blog.

i’ve de-privatized http://lessthanthwee.wordpress.com but i plan to keep this blog up, as well.

what i want to do is put all of my entries here, and import selected entries into my other blog.

thoughts?

terminator: salvation

we went to the midnight showing last night.

the plot was surprisingly simple.  it made the movie SO much more enjoyable than the last few movies i’ve seen.

the last few movies i’ve seen have been derived from books.  movies made from books are always disappointing.  things get cut out and some important plot lines are poorly developed.  so much more detail can be given in books, given the infinite number of pages the author is allowed to tell his or her story.  movies are allotted like, three hours max, which gives time for lots of cool visual stuff, but not so much in terms of plot development.

anyway,  i think this sam worthington fellow that plays marcus wright in the movie is absolutely amazing.  i think i may have a new obsession.